If you still have a Bucketlist at 51, you've fucked up your life.

by Canadol

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about

I recorded this is a very sweaty room with a very sweaty man (mad props, Borneo Jimmy) in the middle of the summer while I was travelling through Richmond, Virginia.

The phrase "If you still have a bucketlist at 51, you've fucked up your life" was told to me at a Truck-stop Denny's by a friendly old man right outside Minneapolis.

Free to download - share with all your friends! Donations welcome.

Thanks!

credits

released 05 August 2013

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Track Name: The Motorist
Am E7
My eyes are dim and I can barely see
A7 Dm
But I still drive like the Grand Prix
Dm Am
I do my best to grab the wheel firmly
E7 Am Am6 Am
Although my phone's distracting me

The speed limits are just suggestions
I choose my speed at my discretion
I blaze right through the intersections
Ran three red lights in quick succesion

I'll swerve into your lane and cut you off
Slam on the brakes and flip YOU off
You calm yourself self down, try to cool off
Then out the window, I shout "Jerk off!"

And then I'll swerve into the bus lane
You see to me, it's all the same
And if you don't like it, then take the train
Need I remind you? You're in my domain

So what if I've had a drink or two?
Don't give me that, you've done it, too!
Pass me the joint, and now a light
I drive much better, when I am high!

And Lord help you if you're on your bike
The road is mine, since might makes right
Since might is right, best step aside
And if you don't, you'll get side swiped

And you should see the last guy who tried
He had the nerve to step to my rights
I took a baseball bat to his wind pipe
Hospitalized, an awful sight!

And the speed limits are just suggestions
I choose my speed at my discretion
And an 18-wheeler blasts through the intersection
And all that's left of me is a cross-section
Track Name: Against the Wall
Gm(3rd fret) Cm
The soldiers line up nicely in a row
D7(5th fret) D7 Gm
The sergeant barks his orders and they follow
G7 Cm
There's is not to reason why
Gm(3rd fret) D7 Gm
There's is to simply do and die

Gm
The sergeant stands up nice and tall
Gm
He points to the man against the wall
Gm D7
Says "Shoot to kill boys, not to maim!"
D7 Gm
"Rifles ready! Now take aim!"

The man's blindfold gets wet from all his sweat
And in his mouth hangs a cigarette
The sucks it in and starts to choke
His last cigarette's his first, cause he don't smoke

The sergeant stands up nice and tall
He points to the man against the wall
Says "Shoot to kill boys, not to maim!"
"Rifles ready! Now take aim!"

The soldiers all aim for his heart
But they only rip their own hearts apart
Each of them was sure their round was empty
Each of them was sure that they weren't guilty

The sergeant stands up nice and tall
He points to the corpse against the wall
Says "Good job boys! That'll be all!"
Now who's to blame for their good aim?
Track Name: The Stars Don't Shine in Richmond
Am
My good friend, the soldier
Am
Lived down Virginia way
Am Dm
I paid him a visit - For 5 weeks I stayed
Dm
He had himself a roommate,
Dm
A young man, an EMT
E7 Am
One took life, the other saved it, oh the irony!

Am
Well we got ourselves to drinking,
Am
I poured us all some shots
Am Dm
Of vodka and whiskey, we had an awful lot
Dm Am
The soldier was eager, but the EMT was not
Dm Am
Your cups already filled, so now you drink what you got!
Dm
He looked at me uneasy, and then looked at his cup
E7
He downed it, looked queasy, said I'm gonna throw up!
E7 Am
And he threw up, and threw up, and he threw up

The solider laughed at his buddy,
and then pointed at the sky
And said "I've had it with this bullshit,
I'm drinking away my life!
The stars don't shine in Richmond, and neither do I!"
I smiled politely and said "Give Winnipeg a try!"

He says "I didn't come back here,
Just to join the working poor
Go to school and have some professor lecture me about the war!
Just to work at Qdobas, serving up chorizos
Or to be some fucking mall-cop guarding dollar store."

I asked "Well, in the first place, what'd you join the army for?
You know your military's got a lot to answer for!"
He said "Hey, fuck the politics,
But I gotta eat, do I not?
My cup's already filled, so now I drink what I got!
It's like I said before - fuck being working poor
So I grabbed my bag and headed out the door
Off to war, off to war, off to war!"

I said, "Why not university?"
He said "I can't afford that shit!
And my grades weren't good enough to get a scholarship
And I know the saying - a foxhole's just a grave
But so is student debt when it cannot be repaid"

"Rack myself up in debt, pay 20k a year
Just to party with some morons, just to drink some shitty beer
And you, what do you study?
Oh, film and history?
Well, when you graduate,
Why don't you get back to me
And then we will see, who acted foolishly
I'll take my chances with the military
So I joined the army, joined the army, joined the army"

Now when we had sobered up,
He took me to the range
And during target practice
I asked him; "Don't you find it strange?
To put another man directly in his grave?"
He squeezed off a round and he had this to say;

"Truth be told, I didn't feel much that day
I fulfilled the purpose for which 3 years I trained
Not much room for morality
When you're being shot
My cup had been filled,
So I just drank what I got
It's like a quarterback, just itchin' for a game
I was almost glad I finally got to play, got to play, got to play."
Track Name: Factory pt. 1
G(3rd fret) F Am (then slide)
I was born in a factory
I had those nuts and bolts surrounding me
I had that concrete from wall to wall
G Dm Am
74 years before it falls

I was born in a factory
I had those nuts and bolts surrounding me
I had those pistons pumping rhythmically
Oh it was all done so rationally

I was born in a factory
But now I've got my whole life ahead of me
But I still cling on to those memories
And I still play those old melodies

Everything I want, nothing I need
I've got that Mickey Mouse and blue jeans
I hung to my new idols desperately
I made sure to worship them reverently

You see now, I was one of the lucky ones
I got out before the real fun begun
And like rats from this ship, sinking
The folks keep leaving, and I got to thinkin'

We were both born in factories
The same nuts that bind you, bind me
I do my best to be nice and friendly
But you've got nothing in common with me

We were both born in factories
Our barcodes match identically
But the product differs drastically
So I pick up my guitar and sing:

I will die in a factory
I'll have those nuts and bolts surrounding me
I'll have those pistons pumping rhythmically
It will all be done so rationally

I will die in a factory
I'll have those nuts and bolts surrounding me
I'll have that concrete from wall to wall
See how long it is 'till this one falls
Track Name: Father and Son
Am E Am
The father sat down with his only son
C G C
He said you better listen close here, little one
Dm(5th fret) Am
I'm the only Dad you'll get, you only get one
Dm Am E7 Am
And before you know it, I'll be dead and gone

So sit down, son, I've got some advice for you -
Never forget patience is a virtue
Well the son looks back with a sly little grin
"Well, patience is a virtue, dad, but sloth is a sin!"

Son, when in Rome, do as the Roman's do
Even though their customs may seem strange to you
Well Dad, I'd love to do just as the Roman's do
But if they jumped off a bridge, should I then follow suit?

Well now, early to bed means early to rise
And that'll make a man healthy, wealthy and wise
Well Dad maybe you should heed some of my advice -
Eat, drink and be merry - for tomorrow you may die!

Now Son, I don't know what you're on about
But you should never ever look a gift horse in the mouth
Well Dad, in principle, I agree, of course
But you are forgetting a certain hollow horse

Now son, I'll ask you kindly, please just stop
You know that idle hands are the Devil's workshop
Well Dad you're forgetting a certain sorry sod
See all work and no play - and Jack begins to chop!

Well alright Son, here's one that's less abstract
Always remember - opposites attract
Well Dad, maybe here's something that you should remember
Birds of a feather, often flock together

Well alright son, here's something else that you should know
Easy come means easy go
Well alright Dad, but maybe you should take this to heart
A fool and his money are never long to part

Well son, Give a man a fish - you feed him for a day
You teach that man to fish, he'll always have fillet
Give a man a fire, you'll warm him for a day
Set that man on fire, and he'll remain that way

A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye
Will only leave the whole world toothless and blind
Well Dad, again, there's a flaw in your thinking;
In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is King!

Son, why can't you be like all the other boys?
Don't you know an empty pot makes the loudest noise?
Well come now Dad, you're hardly one to preach!
For those who cannot do, often teach!

The Son looked at his father he was so self-satisfied
The Father looks back, he hung his head and sighed
You've waylaid my wisdom, yes son, it's true
None of us know what we're doing and neither do you!
You've punctured through my pointless platitudes
We're all imbeciles, and especially - you!
Track Name: The Sycophants Anthem (Factory pt. 2)
Dm A A7 Dm
I spend my whole day dulling down blades
Dm C C7 F
That's exactly how the best money's made
Gm Dm
And I'll pay no heed to your criticism
A A7 Dm
What you call critique, I call pessimism
C7 Dm
And I'll pay no heed to your criticism
A A7 Dm
What you call critique, I call pessimism

Our factory is well-maintained and supplied
Our product's renown spreads far and wide
Our brand's guaranteed, bonafide certified!
From us, my dear friend, you simply can't hide.

As long as I can, I'll keep cashing in
It's not like stupidity goes out of fashion
I'll work here as long as I'm humanly able
What's it matter to me if my products unstable?

I'll stack up my pennies, my nickels and dimes
The factory makes sure to pay me on time
I'm very polite, I don't cause a scene
For what right do I have to intervene?

I ignore all the problems in our grand design
I simply work here, it's no fault of mine
I lower my head, I don't stick out my neck
I let those above me decide what is best
Track Name: The Butcher
Dm C7 (3rd fret)
I worked for a man who was a butcher by trade
C7 (3rd) Dm
And this profession he'd mastered
Dm C7 (3rd)
I'd have to work hard to avoid his tirades:
C7 (3rd) Dm
"Cut faster, cut faster!
A7 Dm
You stupid lazy bastard!"

Now while on the job, I had overheard
That while butchery was his occupation
On Sundays he loved to praise the Lord
He had a whole congregation
Yes, preaching was his avocation

I sharpened my blades and collected my spoils
I thought nothing of it
The months they went by, I continued to toil
Cut faster and faster
Until my technique I had mastered

Then one day the butcher - he had slipped up
He left his freezer wide open
What I saw in there flew me into a shock
Twelve bodies all frozen
Their throats had been cut wide open

My blood boiled, I flew in a rage
I could hardly believe it
The corpses - they weren't even of age
They were only children
And I stood there looking bewildered

The butcher came in, he was holding his blade
And he calmly explained
"It could've worse - my whole flock was at stake!
Their disease spreads like cancer
And this here's the only answer"

"These children here are the products of sin
Born out of wedlock"
I shivered and then much to my chagrin
Just stood there and gawked
At the blood still staining his smock

I gritted my teeth and I raised my cleaver
But so did the Pastor
His blood sprayed across the freezer floor
He cut fast, but I was faster
And I opened the throat of that bastard

And so the sirens began to wail
They had me surrounded
The sergeant told me "You're going to jail
You cold-blooded bastard!
You killed the flock and their Pastor!"

And so I was cornered inside my cell
Again surrounded
"We're going to send you right back to Hell!"
I cut fast, but they were faster
And the last thing I heard was their laughter
Track Name: Swinging Herman
Am
I once knew a wily German
Am
We all called him Swingin' Herman
G7 C A7
Anything he desired - he would get
Dm
He'd swing all day, he'd swing all night
Am
To see him work was quite a sight
E7 Am A7
And for his deeds he never felt regret
Dm
He'd swing all day, he'd swing all night
Am
To see him work was quite a sight
E7 Am
And for his deeds he never felt regret

And our friend Swingin' Herman
In his time became quite learned
He'd grasp at your insecurities
He'd stab you full of little holes
He'd bleed out your very soul
Yes, his routine was quite a thing to see!

Crooked teeth and crooked smile
And yet still so full of guile
His rotting teeth housed a silver tongue!
And when the lights had all turned dark
He'd swoop right in, get what he'd want
And by the morning he'd be long gone

And I stared on in disbelief -
Now who could ever love this thief?
But every knife has gotta have it's sheath!
And he had created life,
Not just once and not just twice
His progeny was spread amongst three wives

He gained great notoriety
For having never known sobriety
What he couldn't drink he smoked away
His liver swelled, his lungs went black
His teeth were covered thick with plaque
His ailments haunted him to his dying day

Now as he aged he got quite gruff
His wives had had enough
His charm couldn't save him that day
And one by one I heard them shout:
"Get out! Get out! You goddamn lout!"
And they took his progeny away
And one by one I heard them shout:
"Get out! Get out! You fucking lout!"
And they took his progeny away

Now he got quite melancholic
No love for an alcoholic
But none of us foresaw what happend next
He grabbed a rope and tied a knot
His nerves were shot, he was distraught
And now he swings only by his neck
Track Name: Mr. Jacob Alabaster
Dm
Mr. Jacob Alabaster
Dm
Loved to get himself plastered
C
The world outside his basement
C7 F
He didn't know, and didn't care to
F Gm6
One day when his dear mother
Gm6 Dm
Dropped him off to get his booze
Gm Dm
He pulled the tab back
A7 Dm
And he won himself a cruise

Now for Jacob this was a problem
And this problem, needed solvin'
For he so loved the warm, safe glow
Of his television set
But his Mother was persistent
Even though Jacob was resistant
And so she packed his bags
And away he went

Now the waters were uneasy
And they made poor Jacob queasy
He packed with him a few bottles
You know - just to ease his nerves!
He sat in his room, drinking
All the while, just thinking
Of the horrible unknown
Lurking just beyond his door

Now the dangers - they were ample!
And I'll give you an example
He could get heatstroke
Lose his balance, hit his head!
Fall off the rail
And with a terrible wail
Sink into the ocean
And wind up dead!

What would his Mother think?
If he wound up in the sink
No no, inside his room
Or rather, in his bottle, he'd rather stay
All for you - dear Mother!
You know I love you like no other!
But the only thing on her mind
Was her own glass of wine

Now back on the ship
Out the door he heard a yip
Mr. Jacob Alabaster!
C'mon open up, please answer!
There's a barbecue, grilled chicken!
Not to mention all the women!
But Jacob Alabaster
Stayed inside despite their laughter

Now Jacob drank once more
And he fell onto the floor
But in his mind he was standing
Just - relative - to the wall!
He fell into a deep sleep
Wondering why he'd come at all
And our dear friend Jacob
Never recovered from his fall

They found his bulky body
Belly-up and bloated by his bed
The coroner had decided
That the content in his cup
Was not content inside his gut
And so it came back up
On his tombstone, they wrote this down;
"Only took one pint for this man to drown!"
Track Name: Factory pt. 3
Em
Allow me to speak honestly, truthfully and openly
D7 G
By this point I thought that you'd all be sick of me
Am Em
But you seem to like my sound so I guess that I'll hunker down
B7 Em
So here you go, you have it, it's factory part 3

Man oh man, oh lucky me, another day at the factory
Boss seems real angry so of course he calls for me
Boy now listen, sit right down, the word's come around
And you've been printing pamphlets so it's time for you to leave

Well maybe I didn't conduct myself all that goddamn properly
But you can all go to hell with your hypocricy
Scrounged up what was left of my meager salary
I went out and I bought myself a rhyming dictionary

Playing on the corner, hey man got a quarter?
Bloor and Spadina is where you can find me
Take the train, get something strong, guzzle that thing all day long
Back on the corner, now I play my songs all wrong

Back on the corner, guitar case full of quarters
"Go get a job" I hear someone yell at me
Why don't you slink off home, I've worked harder than you know
So you can just go fuck yourself and I'll play all alone
Track Name: Two Thieves
Dm (5th fret) Gm(3rd) E7 E(5th)
I made my way down, down to the local dive bar
And out the corner of my eye, that's where I, I saw my mark
I slid over and caught him off guard
You fancy playing a hand of cards?

And of course I stacked the deck, what else would you expect? And I handed him a pocket ace
He went all in before flop, the look of greed painted on his face
And that's when I flipped over the river
And his smile turned to a shiver

Full house, sorry friend, that's too bad, what a shame!
He says, nah, nah, I ain't even mad, I understand, it's all just part of the game
You see I do the same thing as you
Although my thievery is less taboo

You see most people, they see a red light and they don't even think about it - they just stop
Even if there's no cars to be seen, they don't even give it a second thought
But I'm smarter than that, I just walk
And that's well I short-sell them my stock

See everyone wants some advice, but they don't necessarily want to pay the price
I set them up with a couple of bum deals, that's how I get my meals
They didn't have due diligence
And so I feed on their ignorance
And you know as well as me
Ain't nothin' in this world that's for free

You know man, I agree, here, have a drink on me!
Who says there doesn't have to be any honour amongst thieves?
And that drink turned into 8 more
And then we stumbled out of the door

I put my hand on my blade and I say come through this alleyway
No, no, you can trust me, it'll be a lot quicker this way!
That's when I held my knife to his throat
I want your money not your life but I can take both!

Now now, don't get mad, don't blame the fates, it's all just part of the rat race
These days, money's the only thing that's got it's worth on it's face
That's when I pricked out both his eyes
I grabbed his wallet and watch and robbed him blind
And so he joined the rest of the blind mice
And now he's mindful of the traffic lights
Track Name: FnE (Bonus!)
I live in the Midwest - it's the fuckin' best
If my kids act up, I smack 'em in the chest
I beat my wife, too, don't tell me you never wanted to
And my eyes have seen the glory of the tramplin' at the zoo

Barrack Hussein Obama, you ain't welcome here!
You forced gay marriage on us, you turned my son queer!
And I don't know about you, but I hold my country dear
I keep my Bible close and my rifle near

I got myself a Jesus fish bumper sticker
But you know my American flag will always be bigger
Cuz' I love Jesus, but I love my country more
But let's forget about our problems - work 'em out on the dance floor