Well now, I'm a average guy, regular Joe, just like you, Except I've always dreamed of joining those good ol' boys in blue I pack myself a pistol and I stalk the city streets Until one night a young man I did meet Well this young man, now he looks off, yeah he looks odd So I says to him you better make your peace with God Now I admit, I might've gotten a little hot And that young man ended up getting shot! That's when the Police Chief says "I like your gumption, son!" He hands me a rifle and sends me off to Ferguson And that's when my education had really begun M16's and APCs, oh boy what fun! I got to play policeman, now I'm playing army, too! All my childhood dreams, have finally come true! Now I admit, I might've gotten a little hot And a couple of those buggers ended up getting got shot We sent out a letter to each of the bereaved And the Police Chief gave me 6 months paid leave That's when the Army Recruiter calls me up and says to me Said "We could use a crack shot in the infantry!" So here I am in sunny Aghanistan I'm sure we'll finish up what the Soviets began I pop their turbans off, one by one And I come back home until my magazine is done! That's when I got a call from friendly Israel And Netanyahu says: "Boy, you really wanna thrill? That whole sniper business, it's really overblown You'll have a better time, bombing weddings with my drones" That's when I get a call for my expertise "We could use you on our Board of Trustees We need to teach our people how to build Apartheid" I shook his hand and I gladly obliged! So all you snot-nosed whiners, all you fucked college kids I'm proud, I'm glad that I did what I did My glory is eternal, I'll have everlasting fame And the films made in my honour will have critical acclaim! And that's when I get a call from the True North, Strong and Free, and the venerable Mr. Harper says he wants to be more like me Well I heard you had some problems out there in Quebec, You had a good start calling for the protesters deaths Well your weapons aren't quite lethal, but we solved this back in G8 You just grab a tear gun canister, and you shoot them in the face! Now I must admire your commitment to the Middle East Hiding in your cabinet, you've been very brave, to say the least The way you dive in after us, oh! You warm my heart! You send your men to kill and die for a war you didn't start Now all these heroics leave me tired, truth be told It's time that I address you as good ol' Canadol When we first came to this country, when we got off the boat They put us into a courtroom and they made us swear and oath Loyalty to Queen and Country - well what a fucking joke! What loyalty do I owe you now, that my citizenship can be revoked? We left our families, left our countries, worked our fingers to the bone And we've earned the right to call this land our home Maybe I don't understand you, after all I'm not old stock, But don't think for a minute that I'll believe your schlock You can preach fear and hatred until your face turns blue, But the only thing I'm afraid of is 9 more years of you! Now Trudeau promises he'll fight this, but only after election day, No, no, I understand - you don't want to make political hay! Why don't you join the circus? Leave politics behind! You're the first man to walk upright without a fucking spine! So if you're close to these jackals, please let me take your place! I'd like to return the favour, and spit in their Goddamn faces!